


again and again

by popnographic



Category: Free!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 09:03:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5242538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/pseuds/popnographic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The way you said "<i>I love you.</i>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	again and again

**Author's Note:**

> Idea stolen from [here](http://radiodread.tumblr.com/post/133427742253/the-way-you-said-i-love-you).

Rin kisses him hard, and Makoto doesn’t want their lips to separate. They do eventually, but only for Rin to say _those words_ that always make a horde of butterflies flap their wings wildly in the pit of Makoto’s stomach.

“I love you, Makoto. _Fuck_ , I love you.”

His voice is hoarse, and he’s getting close. Of course, Makoto is as well, and he returns the words and Rin’s feelings with his own words and actions.

Makoto lets Rin go and clean up before him, knowing they’ll only have sex again in the shower if they go at the same time, and as the door closes behind Rin, Makoto lets his eyes close for a bit. He smiles to himself, and sighs contently.

 

* * *

 

Rin’s flight leaves in half an hour, and he really has to go to his gate _now_ or it’ll close, and he’ll miss out on his chance of reaching the Olympics. Makoto keeps telling him he should go, and while he wants to, he also doesn’t want to leave Makoto.

“I’ll be fine,” Makoto reassures him for the umpteenth time in an hour. Rin sighs exasperatedly, and then pulls Makoto close for a hug. Probably their umpteenth in the past hour, too.

“I know you will, that’s not what I’m worried about.”

“You’ll do fine. Just call me whenever you can, okay?”

Rin nods, averts his gaze. Makoto smiles, and hugs him close again.

“I love you,” he whispers into Rin’s ear, and Rin tightens his embrace.

When the automatic doors slide shut behind Makoto as he walks out of the terminal, he feels a little empty, but knows this is only temporary. They’ll be together again, soon.

 

* * *

 

Rin has a habit of saying exactly what’s on his mind, no matter what it is.

Makoto has a habit of keeping those things to himself.

The silence between them is heavy, thick, something you could almost touch as if it were a tangible object. Makoto doesn’t see Rin, but he knows Rin is staring at his back right now, probably trying to figure out what to say, or at least how to say whatever he’s figured out for himself.

Before Makoto’s thoughts can wander off, two arms embrace him from behind. He doesn’t say anything, lets Rin initiate it, take the first step.

“I love you.”

And Makoto melts. All of his frustration prior to those three words being uttered is blown to smithereens, and dissipates into the air between them which doesn’t feel so thick and heavy anymore.

He smiles to himself. “I know.”

Neither of them choose to dwell on what was just a senseless argument, but instead close the door on it and shove it all far back into their minds. It’ll hopefully serve as a reminder that they still have things to work on, both individually, and together.

 

* * *

 

His voice keeps cutting out over the poor reception, but Rin can hear Makoto’s very much busy, and that his younger siblings are probably the cause of it. He’s sad he couldn’t go with Makoto home to Iwatobi this weekend to both visit the Tachibanas and his own family, but there’ll be more chances coming up soon.

“Sounds like you’re having fun,” he says, smiling to himself, and the smile evident in his voice. Makoto laughs on the other end.

“ _I am. I wish you were here, too, though_.”

Rin sighs. “Me too. Next time, I'll come, too.”

“ _Yeah. I should go, but I’ll see you soon_.”

“Okay. Tell the family I said hi.”

“ _I will. Love you!_ ”

Rin hangs up, puts his phone down on the desk. Leaves his bedroom and closes the door behind him before he goes to take a shower. Even if they’re separated by over six hundred kilometres right now, Rin knows it’s only a matter of time before that distance is reduced to hopefully nothing, if only just a few millimetres.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t dare take a step forward, feels like he’ll cut his feet if he does, feels like he’ll get punished for wanting to close the distance between them and make things better. Maybe he _can’t_ make things better with what he’s just about to say, but it isn’t as if he won’t try.

“I love you.”

Maybe those words have lost their power after all this time, after having been said so many times. Like clothes losing their vibrant colours after several years of being worn. And maybe, just like with clothes, they’ve grown apart, no longer fit together like a hand in a glove.

He watches as Makoto walks out the door, and hears it slam shut, flinches as it does. Rin lets out a trembling sigh when silence settles in the apartment, and then he sinks down onto the floor.

 

* * *

 

Rin sits on the edge of the bath tub with his forehead resting against his palms. Squints his eyes shut tight to try and prevent tears from falling, but of course, they fall anyway. His hands move up into his hair, and he clutches at it in frustration whilst trying to keep himself from completely falling apart.

“Rin, I… I love you.”

The voice is muffled against the door between them, but Rin hears Makoto loud and clear. Too loud; he wishes he hadn’t heard it at all, because it makes this so much more difficult. Maybe this is inevitable, after all. Like staring at a natural disaster and having nowhere to take shelter from it.

Rin just doesn’t want to face reality and accept the fact that this might just be it for them. Of course, he’s going to have to, or he’ll never leave this bathroom. He has to go out there, and confront this like the grown up he’s supposed to be.

He stands up on slightly shaky legs, inhales slowly through his nose and then exhales through his mouth. Places a hand on the door handle, and then turns it.

 

* * *

 

Rin’s packed most of his essentials into the duffel bag he swings over his shoulder as he marches out of the bedroom. Makoto follows silently; doesn’t dare saying anything, barely even breathes as this is unfolding, as his relationship is slipping out of his hands.

He’s going to have to come back eventually, since he still has a lot of things left here, but Rin figures that for now, he’ll be fine with what he has. He’s grateful to Sousuke for offering a place for him to stay for now, at least until he finds another place to live.

“Rin… don’t go. We can fix this… I love you. I really do.”

Makoto’s voice is broken; he’s cried a lot, way more than Rin’s ever heard or seen him cry before. Makoto doesn’t cry often at all to begin with, so this was certainly far more than Rin could handle. He’s usually the one out of the two who cries, sometimes over the most trivial things, but this time, there had been no tears spilled on his part.

He wonders why that is. Does it mean he really doesn’t love Makoto anymore, that he doesn’t feel anything as he’s about to leave their apartment for probably the last time? Does it mean that all of these years he’s spent together with Makoto now mean next to nothing to him? He doesn’t know. Doesn’t want to think about it, since it’ll only drive him mad if he does. As if he hasn’t already suffered enough up to this point, and probably will continue to do for god knows how long.

Makoto’s hand grasps the sleeve of his jacket, and Rin half turns his head to look down at it. He then yanks his arm away, and Makoto’s hand falls to his side. Rin walks up to the door, placing his hand on the handle. Hesitating, and he hates that he does, before finally gathering the courage to walk out.

When he’s closed the door behind him, Rin makes sure to walk away as fast as he can. If there’s one thing he _doesn’t_ want to hear as the last thing from Makoto, it’s him crying on the other side of that door, inside the apartment that used to be theirs, but no longer is.

 

* * *

 

Rin opens the door, and when what — or _whom_ — he sees is Makoto standing right outside, everything within him just breaks. The walls he’d built up during all of the time they’d been apart, the façade he’d kept up for so long, like a mask that’s started to tear and itch on his skin. He’s been wanting to take it off for a while, but also knew he couldn’t.

But now when Makoto stands in front of him, all he wants to do is to throw all of those things aside, to hold Makoto in his arms again, and to start over. So that’s what he does. Rin pulls Makoto into his embrace, and Makoto’s more than eager to return the gesture. When his shoulders shake, Rin knows Makoto’s crying. And of course, he’s crying, too.

“I love you,” he says. “I really, _really_ love you, and I don’t want to be apart from you.”

“Me neither,” Makoto says into the fabric of his shirt. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

After what’s probably about ten minutes of them reconciling outside the apartment, Rin lets Makoto inside. He doesn’t even have time to close the door before Makoto hugs him again. Rin smiles into Makoto’s hair, letting the fingers of his free hand roam through it.

“Welcome home,” he mumbles.

“I’m home,” Makoto replies, and Rin knows everything will be okay. In time, with a little patience, they’ll be okay.


End file.
